I had a brief contact with someone who is currently taking caution regarding the virus. The person is still awaiting the result of the test. I bring a few errands because the person is not going out. I start a short conversation about any complaints.
Interestingly, I am unable to keep up with my consciousness. Before I realize it, I blurt out that a test and a vaccine are not necessary for me. And that I had gone shopping without wearing a mouth mask.
The careful person had just told me that she does not want to infect other people with the virus and therefore stays indoors. So my message got in pretty firmly, I noticed.
When I get home I think back to the whole situation and it makes me feel bad. Different thoughts pass by. Why did I bring the message so abruptly, does she still feel safe with me, she thinks I am crazy, I can also be myself… ..
With every thought my feeling gets worse. And that is a signal to me! Alarm bells ring.
I take a moment and feel my bad feeling. I feel it wants to mess up a lot. At first it gives me the tendency to push away, to flee.
But when I really make contact with it and perceive the full feeling, then it actually subsides.
I can conclude from this that if I am not well aware, then my mouth says things that I may not support. Then my thoughts run wild and make me feel bad. I experience it as damage to my self, my self-confidence. Subsequently, the head again has judgmental or guiding thoughts. It doesn't stop!
Until you think about it and start feeling without thinking about it. The whole scenario ends with that. Doing harm to yourself stops. I don't just heal myself, I feel that I am richer and more complete. By not letting my thoughts be judged and explained, but by adding another feeling to my consciousness.
Now practice to stick with it even more when I express something.
The self-violence lurks around a tiny corner within yourself.
Addition
The following stream of thoughts started again. "What do I do with it to that other person and what can I do with it".
Since flight was the first response, I turned it around. I went to see her and explained that I said it more abruptly than I wanted to. That I didn't really have my consciousness there. There was understanding on the other side. I couldn't feel that the relationship had been damaged. What I did feel was that the connection in the moment was experienced from both sides as very pleasant. Differences were mentioned and were allowed to be.
That's what really matters!