Create A New World!
What can IT keep me busy….
Precisely! IT keeps me busy. IT goes on. One bend after another. IT spins one distraction after another for me. IT projects itself through me to others around me. And that's how IT comes back on my plate through the other. And before I know it IT creates a vortex of impulses and distractions where I barely see an exit. It feels like IT is hiding my own inner flow in a corner. It takes ownership of me. IT has always done that. IT is part of me, all my life. IT bridges the gap between me and my environment in its own way. And shows considerable dominance in it.
I recognize IT in several ways. It is not a concrete thing or a being. But it is more of a movement with a consciousness that runs through everything. So I can't point it out either, that's how it is. But I recognize it in movement, in steering and especially in the part of me that has disappeared. Feelings that I can no longer reach. As if my consciousness can only think in one direction and all other sides of myself have faded. I recognize IT in that one direction. I recognize IT because it determines which side of me is only visible.
IT is characterized in me by:
Thoughts about other people, preferably judgmental and repetitive
Impulsive reactions to others that make the flow in the conversation disappearWithdraw from contact
Thoughts about myself, preferably judging and repetitive
Imposing myself what I can improve on
Confirm the failure therein
That in turn encourages thinking of all kinds of things that don't contribute to a solution
IT loves circles and where you think you are moving forward but in the end are back to square one
But I also recognize IT in relaxation, in which it turns on my thoughts and interrupts the silence.
I've been playing a lot with IT lately. Tried to observe IT, feel it, stop it, go around it. But because I've put IT in charge all my life, IT is pretty stubborn.
In the end I went all by myself for a few days. I felt I had to slow down my inner system. So that I would also delay IT. Sink deeper into myself, awareness of all actions I do. Wondering why I'm doing what I'm doing, whether that's what I really want or because IT directs me to do it. In the delay, this process is a lot easier. With the TV on or in the supermarket, this is very difficult for me. Then my focus falls away, the stimuli come too fast and IT takes up all the space.
This morning I was doing some house chores. I enjoyed the peace in me that the delay had brought. I could feel that IT was no longer so naturally in charge of me. Because of the delay, I was more in charge from my own inner being. I needed creativity, beautiful music and nice open conversations. And because I was in charge myself, IT took a step back. Very gradually but consciously.
I also experience IT as so naturally present, because IT has always been there. For a long time I thought I was IT. But now that I've been frolicking like this again, I'm sure.
IT is always in me, but IT is not me. IT seizes the space when given the chance. But if I'm alert, relaxed, and over and over wondering if I'd make the same move from my heart… IT doesn't stand a chance. Not even in the supermarket. Then my perspective on life and on myself has also changed. Life seem to have so many possibilities and I have every opportunity. So much more then IT can think of. The contact with my deeper self makes me feel I stable and firm, but also fluid to make every connection without losing myself to IT.
I see IT in everyone around me. There are people who have taken the lead from within themselves and there are people for whom IT has all the space. But because IT is always within us, everyone has moments of confrontation with IT in different sizes and ways. Life just doesn't run so smoothly anymore. You might feel discontent, doubt, resistance or defense.
But I now know that it is IT that shows itself. That in every person there is a very beautiful being beyond IT. And if we just keep seeing that in each other, then we make the playing field of IT a little or a lot smaller. Then we can connect with who we really are deep inside.
This morning during my house chores, I could feel how much movement there is in deep layers of consciousness on the earth. How beautiful the future is and how beautiful is the person who wakes up in it. Something huge is happening right now.
This perception in connectedness has kept IT away from me lately. And I see that wherever IT has the space, they don't perceive how much the world is changing. How people and nature grow closer together. How people move in the same direction in their own energy, but at their own pace and in their own way.
Life without IT is beautiful, here and now!