I Am Done With It!
Create A New World!
Recently I spoke in a group and afterwards I felt that it may have come across as thunder to some people.
Previously, the whole day had been very harmonious, attuned to each other and a powerful being together.
Towards the end someone gave me the floor, with a torrent of language pouring out of me.
Partly condensed information from the previous buzz and partly a need of my own that I could feel can be supportive in a broad sense for further group processes.
Some of the attendees encouraged me.
I received no encouragement from another part, perhaps more resistance to the content.
On the way back home I felt strong and happy.
But the next day shadows of great thunderclouds came over my head.
Coupled with a torrent of thoughts that transformed my stomach into 1 big lump of cramps.
Thoughts like: “I went too far, I didn't consider the other person, I hurt the other person, I wasn't tuned in, etc”.
I was drawn into a vortex of confusion and destruction, in which an exit was swept away by driving emotions.
Until the moment I thought: "What if I am like this".
That this behavior is also who I am.
Then the confusion that I thought I noticed in the other also has to deal with that, or the person can kick me out.
With that realization, it seemed like I turned the whole situation around in one fell swoop.
Suddenly I could feel the power of my speaking during the meeting.
It came from my toes.
When I brought the feeling back to me completely, my body stood up like a gorilla and I could roar with power again.
Wow I could feel I can move buildings with that power.
It is a primal force in me!
I could feel that this primal force has been muted all my life.
Every time there is guilt and terrible crying.
Panic because I couldn't help myself anymore.
The feeling of being terribly short of the other.
And now I AM DONE WITH IT!
I won't let anyone tame my roar anymore.
I will not let my own thoughts amputate my origin.
All the utterances of educators from my youth, of speakers during lectures, of projections of others.
It's not about what's going on up front, in what situations look like, or who's involved.
It's about my own deep feelings that lie underneath.
I find puzzle pieces in myself that I can absolutely cherish, because they bring wholeness in me!
When I roar I roar, with the power of a lifetime of damping.
And it will be heard in the farthest corners of this reality.
I am here!
And it seems that I no longer see or hear the other.
I notice that precisely because of this liberation in myself I can see the other in his processes.
The depth from which the roar comes in me is the depth in which I can feel the other.
But from more individuality in me, so that I can also see the individuality of the other better.
If you want to roar in front of me, I won't hide in fear anymore.
Then I will internally celebrate the freedom that has arisen in me and which arises in you as well.
Then “I'm done” changes to “I'm ready” because I'm here!