For all the kids in the world who are struggling.
Big and small....
Once upon a time, there was a little creature without a body. The little creature was only energy and shone in beautiful colors. It could change shape, grow small and stretch as far as it could. It could ripple or pull itself tight and shine through other objects or creatures.
The little creature played with itself by discovering more and more of what it could do. And preferably in all different places.
It visited several planets. There was a planet with a blue color, which made the creature a little green and shine. There was another planet with water where the little creature could swim and dance like a squid. And in places where other beings gathered, it could feel what the other beings felt.
It then tickled a little in its middle and the edge of its energy layer would ripple along nicely. Each feeling gave a different kind of tickle and ripple. The little creature loved it!
When the creature was big enough, it was allowed to choose a task to make itself useful. There were so many tasks, big and small, that it was difficult for the little creature to make a choice. It decided to do research in the library of the universe. It read piles of books and watched mountains of movies to get an idea of what all the tasks entailed. For example, it could choose from dusting stars, spinning moons, teaching creatures to tickle or singing new stars awake. But there was one task that seemed very special.
A life on planet Earth.
The little creature would have a body, experience for the first time what it's like. On planet Earth there are butterflies and dolphins that he could admire. And the most beautiful flowers to sing to. There are people who laugh and party. You can go to school to learn all kinds of smart things. You get your own mommy and daddy on Earth. And you get your own name to suit you Waaaw!!
The more the little creature read about it, the more curious it became. What would it be like to live there on that earth and make friends? How would these other creatures all feel? What colors will I be able to change into there?
And so the little creature decided to go to Earth. It was born there as a little boy and it was given the name Dex.
Dex grew up with his mom and dad and Dex went to school.
Dex learned everything an earth boy had to learn. Dex also tried super hard to be as sweet as possible and to be liked.
The crazy thing was that Dex couldn't remember anything from when he was a little creature. No memory of how he played on the planets, stretching and shrinking all over again. How he could change color and shape so easily.
Dex was now a little boy with feelings belonging to Earth.
His mom and dad were very kind to Dex. But they were actually not so sweet to each other. Sometimes they yelled and threw doors. That scared Dex. He then crawled into a closet in his bedroom and put his fingers in his ears. Dex didn't like that at all.
At school, Dex had many friends. They played soccer together after school. And with someof them they did homework together. They kept secrets together and laughed at silly jokes.
But sometimes it wasn't so much fun either. Then you only belonged if you were on the winning team with soccer. And they laughed at Dex when his pant legs seemed a little too short. Sometimes they just pushed him against the wall. Or did he have to sit alone when he ate his lunch.
Dex couldn't understand that very well. Why do people act so unkindly towards each other? Why do they get so ugly with me? Deep down, Dex often thought about that. He also cried sometimes, but he preferred not to show that to anyone. He'd rather keep everything to himself, so no one could hurt him inside either. He built a solid wall around his inner being, so that it was truly his alone. So that no one could reach it.
Every time Dex didn't understand other people, the wall became more solid.
But the firmer the wall became, the less contact Dex made with other people. In fact, he only pretended to make contact because then he could be sure that his insides were safe. Dex kept that up for a very long time. Every time he showed a smile and acted nice. While his inner being, for example, was a little afraid to make contact.
After a very long time, Dex didn't know how his inside-being felt anymore. He lost touch with himself a little bit. He sometimes shoot into a severe cramp or a solid panic attack. But Dex and his mom and dad couldn't connect with his insides anymore. They had no idea why Dex was acting the way he was. Why he was so scared, and why he stopped playing with friends after school.
They told Dex there was no need to feel so lonely. He could just tell why he was so confused, they said. Why don't you act normal for once Dex?
And Dex could only do his best. And he did. Very often and a lot his best. His head got so full of it that every night he crawled into his bed completely exhausted. Life isn't easy, Dex thought. I wish my life was different, because I can hardly stand it like this. Why doesn't anyone understand me. Why is no one like me. Dex often felt alone in the world. He couldn't do anything right and he wasn't fun and sociable. Not like all the other kids.
One night Dex fell asleep crying again. He had had another fight with his mother. And his father took her side. Never once did he get right. Never anyone who understood him.
That night, Dex had a dream. This dream was different from all those other dreams. Dex saw a creature with many colors. It was very large and had no body.
The being spoke to Dex and Dex felt very comfortable with it. It was as if the creature knew him, but also as if he had seen the creature before. Dex remembered the dream very well when he woke up in the morning. Also what the being had told him in the dream.
The creature said that Dex was actually such a beautiful being, too. And he had been given the chance to be a disembodied being with a body. Dex had only forgotten that he was a being and what that felt like. Dex wasn't himself anymore.
The big being said it was also very important for Dex to start remembering well who he was as a being again. It was important to be that original being here on earth. And at the same time being the Dex in the body.
Dex did not yet fully understand what that meant. He did feel that it was very important. But the words of the great being still echoed in his mind,
"Make every feeling great without thinking anything of it."
In the days that followed, Dex couldn't stop thinking about it. What a crazy dream that was. After all, he was just Dex. How could I be anyone else, too. He thought about it for hours, but he couldn't figure it out. He just couldn't make sense of it with his head.
One day after school, he walked across the lawn behind his house. It was quiet there. There were only a few kids sitting in the climbing frame, otherwise no one was there. Dex sat down in the grass. He took off his backpack and lay down for a while. He felt the sun shining on his face. He closed his eyes for a moment and felt quite content today. No hassle and no arguing. A day when everything ran smoothly for a while.
The words "Make every feeling great without thinking anything of it" came to mind again.
With his attention, he felt in his inner being the satisfied feeling. He thought about making that feeling big.
He was going to feel what it feels like to be content. The feeling was in his heart and it was quite large. He could go all the way into it with his attention. He could make the satisfied feeling so big with his attention that his whole body could fit into it. Woow had never felt this before. He felt the satisfied feeling on all sides of his body and all the way through it. When he started thinking about how he had done that, the feeling became all small again. Again Dex went at it with his attention. He went to feel with all the attention he had. And again the satisfied feeling became bigger than his body and he could go all the way in.
Dex continued to practice this many times. He first cleared his head by paying attention to his breath and relaxing his body nicely. In this way he could feel the feeling in his heart. Sometimes it had a name, but more often it didn't. Then it was just a feeling. Dex then made it all big, so he was the feeling completely. The crazy thing was that he didn't notice if his mother was calling him or if it was time to go to school.
It had found a way through the wall into his inner being. He was a little himself again.
However, Dex did have panic attacks more and did not dare a lot. His whole would stiffen up and he would want to become invisible. Sometimes he could feel so terribly bad. He sometimes felt it when something had happened, but also sometimes for no reason. Then it just came. Dex would be ugly to his mother and he would feel horribly about it.
After a major panic attack, Dex lie in bed at night crying and wishing he was no longer there. He didn't want to go through these nasty things. He felt so guilty again and such a huge loser. All feelings that are so horrible, that he wanted to push away. But they kept coming back.
And then Dex thought, "Make every feeling big without thinking anything of it."
He picked out the guilt to try. Every time his attention went to the feeling, his head intervened again " It won't work anyway, you can't, you're not worth anything," the thoughts said. But Dex persevered.
He took a look inside his head to see where all those thoughts came from. Very quietly paying attention in his head. Funnily enough, those thoughts stopped. They became silent. It became completely quiet in Dex's head because his attention was there.
Dex went back to his heart where the guilt was. He made the feeling big and wanted to get back into it. But before Dex came to do that, the guilt was completely gone.
That was weird.
7. There is the creature
A lot more was happening. Because Dex was practicing with those feelings so much, his wall became thinner and lower. Dex didn't think that was scary at all.
He used to think it would be very scary. He was afraid of what would happen if the wall was gone. Then terrible things would surely happen. Then he would probably feel horrible.
But behind the wall was his original being. And by making each feeling big with attention and sitting in it, you no longer have to be afraid of it. Your own self, the beautiful being that you are, can then shine in all directions and turn your heart in all colors.
Dex got all excited when he started to understand this. He started to work with all the feelings. First clearing his head and feel everything completely.
He did the same with his biggest panic attack. His enemy in life. He was not going to think what he thought about it. He didn't think it was a very annoying feeling. . Just feeling like a sweater you put on without being able to see it.
The panic put pressure on his chest and pulled his diaphragm together. He even felt himself getting a little nauseous. He took a good breath to his stomach. That calmed him down again.
He could feel that the panic was some kind of energy whirlwind in his heart. He looked at the whirlwind and felt it spin. This made the panic less scary. He found it easier and easier to feel it completely. But it seemed like the panic was also becoming nicer to him, too. As long as he didn't start thinking about the panic. Not having an opinion, or wanting to understand. Just feeling it.
As long as your head doesn't get involved, all your feelings start behaving differently. Sometimes they dissolve right away. Then they are feelings made by your head. And sometimes they stay and then they are feelings made in your heart.
Dex practiced through and through and through. He got to know himself better and better. Became less and less afraid, dared much more. The panic attacks became less And he argued less often with his father and mother. He could feel that the original being was in his heart and radiating through his whole body.
Surely he could be both at once. He played with it. Then Dex would go and feel everything in his body with his attention and then he would let the being shine all the way through it. When he did that he felt super solid. He usually did it in the morning before he got up. And especially before he had to do anything exciting. . Often his head would already have all his opinions ready by then. But doing the exercise made him feel strong and more confident.
He began to discover who the little creature was and what it could do. He got to know himself. And he could honestly confess.... He had come to love himself!!
If in between he was still scared or angry ... well then he cried or screamed. Then that feeling was allowed to be there. And Dex kept his attention!
Dex had spent his whole life letting the world around him determine how he felt. It wasn't pleasant, because he didn't really understand what was expected of him. Other people's behavior often felt unfair and the rules were incomprehensible. So Dex lost control of what was happening in his head and what he felt in the rest of his body.
Only as Dex explored inside his body did Dex become more and more the little creature he actually was. Slowly, the little creature gained control of Dex's head, his thoughts, his body and his feelings. And he enjoyed all those feelings that gave him a tickle in his middle and rippled the edge of his energy.
And that was the job Dex had chosen to do. No matter how difficult the world around him would become, stay your shining self as much as possible. No matter how much he felt from everything outside himself, he let it all flow through him. Each feeling awakened a piece of his being to shine. Dex became more and more complete.
And as Dex became more and more himself, those around him learned what true honesty was. And sincerity, sensitivity, being vulnerable, creativity, gentleness, openness, connecting and much more.
All wonderful qualities the creatures possess! Fortunately, with Dex, it is no longer behind a wall.
Best of all . Dex was contagious to others!
Because other people could feel Dex better, they also started to feel better themselves. And Dex didn't have to explain anything for that. Just being completely himself.